The Boss and Me.

Oh God, What in the Hell is THAT?!

thebossandme — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:17:09 +0000

I’ve been carrying this picture around on my BlackBerry for a while now, because I keep on forgetting to upload it…

Here’s the story behind that disgusting smear:

So the building in which I work is quite old, old enough that people talk about roach sightings every once in a while. But I myself have never seen a roach at the office, and so I worked in relative roach-free comfort. That is, until the other day, I was working and randomly spotted this tiny tiny tiny little bug, scurrying around on my desk in front of me. And I swear, yes, it was a roach – it’s long antennae testified to that!

I was so scared that I screamed! then

reached over for the nearest item with at least some bug-killing potential

which happened to be a pad of post-it notes

then proceeded to blindly (I didn’t want to look at it more than was necessary) attack my desk with the post-its. Oh, it was frightening!

So, the post-it notes pad with roach remains still sits on my desk, because I’m afraid to remove it since the other half of the roach is actually located directly underneath the pad. I’ll clean it up later… when I get a new job!

Disturbing Image of the Day

thebossandme — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:56:54 +0000

Ok, I work for an airline. And guess what: we ship more than just passengers and their bags. We ship tons of other items, all safely (well, supposedly) stowed away down in the cargo area.

For example, you might find on your next flight the following item:

Empty?? Did the funeral home forget the child, or did they lose it? Jeez, sucks for those parents! Imagine receiving a casket, expecting to find your deceased loved one inside, only to find a dark empty emptiness. Oh, the sadness…

MS Outlook… Nonsense!

thebossandme — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 02:20:41 +0000

On average, I receive a whopping two or three emails a day. One of these emails is always from corporate, and it provides “vital” company information such as the current stock price, in addition to other current events about our company or the airline industry in general. So really, I receive maybe one or two emails a day, probably because everyone else already knows that I’m not much use to anyone at all for anything. Hey, I’m just a kid. I sit in my cubicle all day pretending like I know what I’m doing.

Anyways, here’s the real story: So recently, Outlook has been sending me a particular email rather frequently as of late, and it makes no sense at all:

57135 KB is the size of my mailbox?! Holy cow. That seems awfully small. But 57135 is a pretty big number, and I have no idea just how large 1 kilobyte is, so maybe I’ll find for myself a more reasonable approximation if I convert the number into gigabytes.

Well, here goes Google Calculator:

So this means that someone has graciously allowed me a staggering .05 GB for my email messages. I am overwhelmed with gratitude…

Well now, let me spend the next five minutes deleting the few emails I have left in my box.

Bye

Thump, Thump, Goes My Beating Heart!

thebossandme — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 02:06:42 +0000

I haven’t updated in a while for two reasons:

1.) Remember, I’m still a student, and recently was plagued by a rather unpleasant flurry of Finals. Awesome. I didn’t sleep, ate poorly, didn’t exercise, and gained some extra blubber around the midsection from a lack of exercise. My job performance suffered as well, of course. In fact, I was so zoned out and sleepy from studying 24/7 that I completely spaced out during one of my one-on-one meetings with The Boss. Not good. I remember I walked into Her office, sat down, then proceeded to spend five very long seconds staring off into space, completely oblivious to the fact that She was giving me a rather solid stare. Hmm. Great impression. Not sure where Vibrant Young Energetic Intern went.

2.) The Boss had (thankfully) embarked on a 2 week vacation to her native homeland. This coincidentally corresponded with my final exam schedule, so I took full liberty to skip work as I pleased so that I could take my final in peace. And while the past two weeks certainly have still been busy, I would be lying if I told you that I missed Her.

But I have to get down to today’s business. Today’s business is Thump, Thump, Goes My Beating Heart, because my heart WAS beating today. However, in order for you to understand, I have to tell you a little story first, and it’s not a good one, because it’s not funny at all.

Here’s the story in a nutshell:

My coworker N no longer is with us, and it is 100% The Boss’s fault. You have to understand…. N is a sweet, sweet, smart, friendly girl. She would never do anything with an evil intent. However, The Boss for whatever reason decided that She didn’t like N starting from Day One, and would constantly attack her. The Boss would be mean, saying things like, “Why can’t you work as well as Katie and C? Stop talking to people at the office. You should only ask me questions. Why don’t you ask around for more projects?” And so on. Long story short, N got fed up, went to HR to complain, then almost immediately got transfered to another department. So long N! We all miss you.

So here’s the story now: it has become my greatest fear that I will now take N’s place. The Boss has verbally expressed to me how much she likes me, but I honestly have not heard that sort of feedback as of late. I must be the most paranoid Intern in the world. And really, it doesn’t help that I actually know next to nothing about the airline industry (I mean, who cares?). Today was my first one-on-one with Her after Her vacation, and she kept on going on about some new project that I’m going to start next week. Unfortunately, she might as well have been speaking in a foreign language. I’m good at pretending like I know what I’m doing… but honestly my knowledge is rather limited. At the same time, I’d rather not look like a dumbass by asking too many questions. So instead of simply asking her to explain things in plain English, I just sat there, heart thumping away in fear that She will suddenly turn on me, and confront the fact that I’m actually rather clueless. Hmm.

Well, enough of my nervous rambling.

Usually, Red Lips are Sexy.

thebossandme — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 02:25:05 +0000

For the second time in my memory, The Boss wore red lipstick. The first time She wore red lipstick, She was walking towards my cubicle to talk to me about something, and I nearly jumped out of my chair due to the shock. The second incident occurred today, when I was called into her office for our weekly 1-on-1 meeting, during which I couldn’t help but to stare at her mouth the entire time. The red lips were so distracting, I honestly cannot remember what we talked about. I would look down onto my notepad where I had scribbled a few notes just five minutes prior to our meeting, then look up, see red lips, ramble about something, then repeat. But what I really wanted to do was to put my life on pause, grab a Kleenex, then wipe the Affected area clean. Why? Well, here is some rather cruel imagery:

Because Barbies always have bright pinkish red lips, imagine your favorite Barbie (in case you need a visual, see the image below). Got it? Now, take your Barbie, and using both hands, grab her feet and her head and forcefully compress the Barbie until she is at about 60% of her original height. So, what do you get? A gorgeous, tall, slim Barbie? No! Your Barbie just became very short and very overweight. And because you compressed her with much force, she’s not as pretty as she used to be, right? She’s still got her red lips…but it just looks rather inappropriate now.

Enough said.

The Queen’s High Opinion of Me Is…

thebossandme — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 22:38:24 +0000

A couple of days ago, The Boss was hanging out in the Bullpen, which is an area consisting of four half-cubes entirely devoted to the Interns. We were all talking about Whatever (future interns to be hired, current assignments, and so on), when The Boss’s Boss happened to walk by.

Ah, there she is, he said while passing us. The Queen of this office.

Yes, She cackled, loving every possible meaning of that designation. I AM the Queen!

So, I said, trying to get a word in, Does that mean that I’m Queen-in-Training? ha ha… After all, at times She does refer to me as “Her rookie.”

She turned to me. Queen-in-Training? She frowned. No… [pause] I think “Lady in Waiting” is more like it.

Well, I suppose that is the Truth. Intern = Shit Worker, duh.

Emails From a Workaholic’s Desk.

thebossandme — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 22:24:49 +0000

As an intern, I don’t exactly get swamped by hundreds of daily emails. Really, just a few here and there, and that’s about it. So it should come as no surprise that I get more emails from The Boss than from any other person in my workplace. Usually Her emails are the standard “please do such-and-such for me” emails, but I did receive a rather interesting one this past Monday. After returning from a week-long business trip to Europe, She decided to start my week in a rather cheery manner:

We’ll forget Her unprofessional “hihihi” opener to take a moment to first point out the obvious: the last the time I checked, “Katie” and “Kim” does NOT rhyme. My name is catchy, cute, and as someone once put it – “just rolls off your tongue” – but The Boss clearly missed some important lessons in What Makes Words Rhyme..
Anyways, the next day I found out that she was telling me the truth by stating that she is “500 emails behind,” because of this email:

Look at that, a 4:58 AM email!! Shocked, I turned to my coworker C:

Oh my god, She sent me an email at 5:00 AM! Does She never stop working?

5:00 AM isn’t too bad. See, I recieved one from Her at 4:00 AM.. wow.

Later, while having my weekly one-on-one meeting with Her, I casually remarked how tired and overworked She must be, to which she responded:

Well, do you know what time I got in today?

I guess around 5?

Nope. I’ve been here since 3 o’clock on the morning.

And then She laughed one of her psycho, cackling laughs, letting me realize, once again, that the correct word to describe her isn’t “workaholic,” but “Crazy..”

The Calm Before The Storm. Which, By the Way, is Filled With Hurricanes and Tornadoes And Tsunamis Galore

thebossandme — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:18:50 +0000

Indeed, calm is correct.

I have decided to take the end of my calm week to begin writing about Her, The Boss, while She is away in Europe for business. I am sure that many in the working world can empathize with me – we all know about the crazy, unreasonable, sinister boss who can be heard cackling away in the office at all hours, while we all cower and wait for the next flurry of assignments and projects… The Boss, we all know, has an unbending iron will, and attempts to command the entire office with some daily set of commands designed to further condition us into her tiny little worker bees.. Well, I am here to discuss those behaviors. Even I, the lowest of all minions, am allowed my opinions at the very least!

If you care to know:

I really am just a lowly worker bee, also known as The Intern. My fellow Interns are named R, C, and N. We work for a major airline, often more hours than we are paid for. Collectively, we are Her Bitches. Excel is our best friend.

The madness resumes tomorrow. Prepare to read..